Buy and Sell pages on Facebook
This is how it works:
You post an item for sale.
17 people respond, three of whom
ask if the item that you just posted is still available and one person says
they will take it.
(Meanwhile two other people have
PM’d you at the exact same time – one has questions like: What colour is it?,
which is clear in the accompanying photo on the post; and the other one wants
your address for pick up.)
You reply to the two people saying
that someone is ahead of them.
You reply to the person who said they would take
it on the post.
You go do something else for a
while.
The person who said they would
take it does not respond, so you PM them to see if they are still interested.
You go do something else for a
while.
The person who said they would
take it does not respond.
You reply to the first person
that PM’d you and ask if they are still interested and two days later they say
they are going to pass.
You move on to the next person
that PM’d you and they don’t respond.
A week has passed so you respond
to the next person on the list in the posting and they don’t respond.
You repeat steps the previous two steps with
the same result a few more times.
Insanity begins to set in.
You consider throwing the item in
the garbage just to get rid of it.
You let a few days pass and then
bump the post.
17 people respond, three of whom
ask if the item that you just posted is still available and one person who says
they will take it.
You pour yourself a drink and
repeat the 4th through 11th steps
You get a text from your daughter
saying that someone is going to come and pick up the item.
You pour yourself another drink
and run around like a mad person tidying up before they arrive.
They do not arrive.
But your house is tidy and you’re
a little tipsy, so you go play Candy Crush.
You notice a PM from someone
inquiring about the item and you reply, but you’re still tipsy and you don’t
notice that auto-correct has inserted a somewhat suggestive word and hit send
anyway.
The person does not respond.
Another week goes by and you
consider bumping the post again, but fear holds you back.
You get a PM from someone
wondering why you didn’t respond and you go back through all the threads
looking for the missed message.
You don’t find it, but you’re
ready for another drink.
You respond with apologies and
assure them that the item is still available and ask if they want to come look
at it.
They do not respond.
The item mocks you from where it
is sitting. By the door. In the way.
A drink is now definitely in order and you pour
yourself a stiff one.
You put the item away somewhere
where it is not in the way, but is also not easily accessible and resolve to
accept that it is just not going to sell. (You can’t bring yourself to throw it
away.)
The doorbell rings.
You sigh because you don’t know
who it is and the house is not tidy.
You answer the door.
A smiling, happy person with a
tidy house announces that they are there to pick up the item.
Your eye starts to twitch.
You dig the item out, apologize for your messy house, take the
money, realizing that you made about $1/hour after all the time you spent
trying to sell it, and thank the
smiling, happy person with the tidy house.
You delete the post on the Buy
and Sell.
You join alcoholics
anonymous.
