A few days ago I deleted Yemalla’s Moon, but I recovered it and decided to just delete all my previous blogs and start fresh. In the process of deleting some 80+ postings I stopped to re-read a few. Some made me giggle. Some made me frown. (All are safely tucked away on a flash drive!)
I love to blog. I love to sit and write down my thoughts and feelings and observations and experiences. Sharing them on the Internet is an entirely different thing. It’s scary. Baring my soul, so to speak, opens up all sorts of avenues for all sorts of things to occur. I think what I think and I write what I write. But clicking that Publish button always gives me pause...
There is always a moment when I hesitate over the notion that I might offend someone who happens upon my posting. This is often followed in quick succession by a wave of anger, peppered with guilt and salted with fear. Then I say to myself: Self, don’t be silly. And then I commit by taking a deep breath and clicking that dreaded orange icon. What’s done is done.
Yemalla’s Moon started out as a place to post what really amounted to a personal diary. It had no specific purpose other than an exercise in preserving what was on my mind at any given moment that happened also to coincide with a desire to write it down. The fact that others had access to it, not to mention the ability to respond to it, was, I’ll admit, to some degree, my ego projecting just a wee bit of a superiority complex. Yes, conceit played a role; I’m not ready to confess that it dominated the endeavour, though perhaps it did. (I’ll have to review Jung, for I’m sure he could spin it much more positively than Freud.) But there was an element of expectation on my part that was not inconceivably one of praise for and awe over my postulations.
Okay, I have a streak of vanity. I will admit that. But who doesn’t? It is necessary to survival, I think, to hold one’s self in some measure of esteem. And Yemalla’s Moon has both buoyed and bruised my ego at different times. But the point is, I suppose, that Yemalla’s Moon needs a purpose, a point, a direction...
Yemalla’s Moon must become a journal of some defined and unambiguous topic. What that topic may be is still a mystery to me. There are several possibilities jockeying for position at the moment. Alas, though, I must conclude this vague and hazy introduction and hasten off to my current appointment with professional destiny.
Stay tuned, if you dare. What waits under the beams of Yemalla’s Moon – or perhaps lurks the shadows – will soon be revealed.