I am feeling strangely calm about my nomination for council in the upcoming municipal elections. In a totally freaked out sort of way. That I can’t explain.
Let me explain…
As is my wont, I had a bit of a meltdown after submitting the paperwork. I’m expecting there to be more of those to come. But right now, right this minute, I feel utterly calm.
It could very well be due to being somewhat overwhelmed by all the official-ness of the whole process. They make it sound like this is a way bigger deal than I think it actually is.
Not that it’s not important. It is. But wow! What a lot of… what’s the word I’m looking for?... crap!
When I went to ask for a nomination package I was handed an enormous envelope stuffed not only with the required forms, but with six or seven books and booklets. My first thought was: Really?
Was this necessary? All this paperwork? All this information? All this paper?
The paperwork turned out to be not all that daunting. When I sat down to fill it in, it took me all of three minutes. A bit of information. A couple of signatures. And – poof! – it was done. In fact, the whole thing - filing my nomination papers - was rather anticlimactic.
I did attempt to read the information. My eyes glazed over about three pages into the first book I picked up and so I put it aside for several days, coming back to it with a small measure of determination and a wavering heart about the whole thing. The scales of decision have been tipping back and forth for ages. Not even the over-load of information was enough to keep them on the don’t-do-it side.
The notion to run for council popped into my head about a year ago. I tried to shake it. But, like a dog with a bone, my mind would not let go. I tried to come up with a really good reason for not running. I couldn’t. I mentioned it to various people and got mixed reactions. Some were very encouraging. Others were like: You’ll hate it. (As if winning was a given, which was kind of flattering, and I was completely unsuited to the task, which was kind of insulting. And since none of these people had any practical experience, I couldn’t put much stock in their responses.)
I talked to a couple of people I know who are on council, asking what it was like. They were weirdly vague and unhelpful. “It’s interesting.” “It’s a lot of work.” “It’s not what you think.” (I didn’t know what to think – that’s why I was asking!)
But the feeling that this was something that I needed to do would not go away. And now that I am officially an official candidate, I am at odds with this sense of calm that has settled over me. Usually, when I make a life-changing decision it is the equivalent of strapping myself onto an emotional rollercoaster. Where’s the drama!? I’m used to drama.
I am a little concerned about all the rules. In scanning the information that I have so far been able to force myself to scan, I’ve come across some slightly scary shit that made my guts gurgle a little. There are definitely some no-nos involved. It kind of made me wish I had a campaign manager. (I’m amazed it didn’t make me run screaming in the opposite direction!)
This is quite out of character for me. I have never had any desire to hold any kind of public office. I have tried all my life to avoid (unsuccessfully, mind you) any professional authority or responsibility. I have always thought of myself as the kind of person who should stay in the background. And yet I don’t seem to be able to do that. So maybe this isn’t out of character at all. Maybe I am operating in complete denial of my true self and purpose.
Maybe I need to go install the shelf and rod in my spare room closet and stop trying to analyse this.
In case you might be interested, my Facebook campaign page can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Toni-McKilligan-for-Council/346581795511066?ref=hl
And my campaign blog (in which I will stick to campaign stuff – I think) can be found here: http://toniforcouncil.blogspot.ca/
I'm not unexcited about running for Council. I am. Excited, that is. I just didn't expect to be this calm about it. And while that could change in an instant, I do intend to have some fun with it all.
Happy Thanksgiving, by the way!